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 B

Kathy started at my nursery school at the age of three. She settled into the group easily, and would be first on the slide and highest up the climbing frame. She could put on her coat without help and not only fasten her own buttons but other children’s too.

She was a lovely child but unfortunately a scratcher. If anyone upset her or stood in her way, her right hand would flash out fast and scratch down the face of her playmates. Children twice her age would fly in fear from her.

This must have been very rewarding for Kathy but obviously it had to be stopped. All the usual ways failed and then I remembered an account by G  Atkinson Highfield School, of how fights in the playground had been stopped. No punishment had been given, but the attacker had been ignored and the victims rewarded. So I decided to try out on Kathy.

With a pocketful of Smarties I followed Kathy around. She was so quick that it was impossible to prevent her scratching, but I was dertermined to stay within arm’s length all afternoon.

All was peaceful but then I saw Kathy’s hand moved and heard the scream. Gently I gathered up the little hurt one in my arms and said “Nice, nice sweetie” and then looked puzzled when she got nothing.

Soon came another scream, this time from John. While holding him in my arms, I said, “Look, Kathy, a nice Smartie for John” and put it into John’s mouth.

A smile of understanding flashed across Kathy’s face. Minutes later, she came to me and said loudly, “Give me a Smartie! I have hurt my finger!”

“No,” I replied, “you’ll get it if someone hurts you.”

On purpose, she turned and scratched a nearby boy, Tom, and waited quietly while I mothered and rewarded him, then she walked away.

She has never scratched a child since.

Parents who find older children bullying younger brothers and sisters might do well to replace shouting and punishment by rewarding and giving more attention to the injured ones. It’s certainly much easier and more effective.